“What do you want their table to look like?”
I can’t remember who first shared this with me, but it stuck. The picture that comes to mind is always the same. Four adults. They are somewhere between the ages of 20 and 40. They are standing in front of a body of water. There is a picnic table.
After Lilah was born, I was completely unsure. Maybe that picture was distorted, maybe it was always supposed to be three? But two summers ago, Patrick and I decided we’d try for one more. Go for the four we’d talked about since we were babies ourselves.
It happened rather quickly, and suddenly we were expecting a spring number four. A few weeks later, we received the news that we were a different kind of four. One in four pregnancies lost to miscarriage.
After a whirlwind of Halloween, a D&C surgery, a wedding and a 10 year anniversary trip in the span of about a week, we decided to just see where things took us. If God had a four in that picture, it would be.
January rolled around and I quietly started to pack up the baby things. Then came you, Caroline. The happiest of positive tests on the last day of January. Here we are, one year removed from a scary, sad chapter with a one month old baby girl in our arms. Four. His plans are always good.
This year, I decided to give Father Mike Schmitz’ Bible in Year a third shot. The week you were born Caroline, we danced between the readings of Nehemiah and Ester. I can’t imagine a more fitting entry to this life earth side.
“For I am doing a great work and I cannot come down.” Nehemiah 6:3
On October 2nd, we opted for a scheduled induction. Dr. Bukkapatnem, who had welcomed your three siblings before you and been by my side last October, would be on call and we were headstrong to welcome you together.
We started the morning with Pitocin and progressed rather quickly. At 11 am, I opted for an epidural and for the first time, my body was not a fan. My blood pressure plummeted and finding your heart beat became iffy. Thankfully, this is normal and our team of doctors sprung into action. I was given oxygen, a smattering of blood pressure medications and we took a break from the Pitocin.
A few hours later, we started back up and it wasn’t long before you were ready to arrive. Again, you danced the line. Making your entry to the world as Fleetwood Mac’s Everywhere and Sam Smith’s Lighthouse played.
“For I will be your lighthouse keeper, bring you safely home to me” filled the room as you arrived. I’m certain we had a few angels on our shoulders in that moment, Caroline.
Our four. A girl. Caroline Hazel.
I can’t wait to find out what that picture actually looks like, but these next few decades can take their time.
